Et tu, Kendall?
by Irrelevancy
Summary: In which James hatches a scheme, Logan quotes Shakespeare, Kendall is a traitor, and Carlos just wants some ice cream. OT4: Kendall/Logan/James/Carlos. Part of the "It Just Makes Sense" verse, kind of. Rated T for suggestive scenes.


**A/N: Rated T for suggestive content, and some bad words. I think.**

**So much thanks to everyone who reviewed "It Just Makes Sense!" That's the "canon" basis for this fic, though you don't have to read that first to get this.**

**THIS IS AN OT4 SHIPPING FIC. That means Kendall/Logan/James/Carlos. Together. All of them. Not your cup of tea? Completely understandable. Please don't read.**

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><p>It all began when, coming back from grocery shopping for Mama Knight, Logan tossed a can of Quadruple Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream to James.<p>

Carlos gasped, the video game controller falling from his hands as his attention turned to the airborne frozen treat. Logan looked warily at him.

"This is for Katie's birthday party," he said with a regretful gulp. "No eating, touching, or even _looking_."

On the TV screen to Carlos's left, his sleek red sports car ran into a sheep, sending it flying with a discontent _baa!_

"But– B-But–!" Carlos protested. James shook his head sadly.

"She said she would ruin our careers if we even think about it," he said mournfully. Carlos's car tore through a white picket fence and ran over a campfire, sending cinders flying and its tires aflame. None of the boys took notice, gazing sadly at the tub of ice cream.

James cracked first.

"I want to eat it I want to eat I want to _eat it_...!"

"We can't!" Logan cried in despair, hands clutching around the shape of the ice cream in thin air. "We promised Katie we wouldn't–!"

"We'll go out and buy a new one before she even notices," Carlos suggested in a high-pitched voice, already edging towards James. He made a grab for it, but James moved it out of his reach with a desperate-sounding gasp.

"We've reached our budget with groceries for the month," James said miserably, gingerly setting the ice cream on the kitchen counter, then taking three rapid steps back to fall in line with Logan and Carlos, so that all three watched the immobile ice cream in despair. The tub seemed to glow with a heavenly light, complete with an angel choir singing behind it. Carlos thought he may have cried a bit, a suspicious wetness tingling at the corner of his eye.

"We'll borrow money from Gustavo," he said, eliciting gasps of affront from Logan and James. He was a bit scandalized himself, but Carlos knew he was willing to do whatever it took to have a taste of that ice cream.

"...Kendall's not here," James whispered, peering around fearfully. "Don't say that when Kendall's not here to–"

"–_placate_ Gustavo," Logan finished. Neither James nor Carlos knew what _placate_ meant, not specifically at any rate, but nodded in agreement anyways, because big words sounded like something Kendall would do. "Seriously, bro. We'll just go to the mall next month and get some ourselves."

Carlos thought James muttered something about "Oh I'll _get some_, alright," but there were so many things wrong with what Logan just said that Carlos ignored James in order to glare his most affronted glare at Logan. Logan looked down gloomily, because he agreed– waiting a month for ice cream was completely ridiculous. Sad music played, accompanied by the sound of cars crashing in slow-motion as a big YOU LOSE flashed across the TV screen.

"Alright, this is completely ridiculous," James proclaimed, throwing his arms up in exasperation. Carlos followed him excitedly as he walked towards the ice cream, while Logan's steps possessed much more trepidation. James determinedly grabbed three spoons from Mama Knight's kitchen drawers, and Carlos was even more excited. Logan circled to the other side of the counter, looking torn as he took the proffered spoon with a shaking hand.

"Guys, I'm really not sure–"

"We're doing this," James interrupted, fixing Logan with a heavy look as he wielded the spoon in a dubiously violent fashion. Logan peered suspiciously at the eating utensil. "Whatever consequences we may have to face... _We're doing this._"

"As long as we stick together, it'll all be fine," Carlos attempted, trying to imitate one of Kendall's pre-Whatever-they-happened-to-be-doing-that-week speeches by adding a certain air of... _Kendallness_ to his tone, but by the skeptical look on Logan's face, he wasn't having much success. That didn't stop him from trying, however. "C'mon Logan. What's the worst that could happen? Katie doesn't get ice cream for her birthday party?"

"She'll _ruin_ us...!" Logan whispered dramatically, but James scoffed, hesitating only a little, already peeling the plastic wrap off the top of the ice cream.

"She wants money," he corrected with bravado. "And she can't do that if she ruins _me_, because she's already my manager, and if I never fly solo, she'll just be dragged down along with."

Logan didn't bother explaining to James why his reasoning was so completely wrong, but only because his attention was completely on the frozen treat on the counter between them. He knew it was wrong to eat the Quadruple Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream. _He knew it was wrong_. Yet... It was the Quadruple Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream. In an attempt to drown his deviating thoughts, Logan took to reciting Shakespeare in his mind. _That which we call rose by any other name would smell as sweet... Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry... The game's afoot: Follow your spirit, and upon this charge cry 'God for–'_

"–_Quadruple Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream...!_" Logan howled. James and Carlos grinned, simultaneously lifting the top of the tub, revealing the ice cream inside. It had just began melting, the dark brown of the quadruple chocolate chip glistening with sweet, rippling like a cup of hot cocoa on a cold Christmas morning, with swirls of white marshmallow streaking the treat. The boys' eyes grew as wide as the rim of the ice cream tub itself, shining with unshed tears at the sheer beauty of it. Yes, this was the moment of truth. All three hoisted their spoons, high in the air, ready to plunge it into the ice cream with a shout of joy–

Except they never got there.

If hindsight was twenty-twenty, Logan's current-sight was pretty damn good too; he didn't even need to look back to know that it had been Kendall's fault, all Kendall's fault, for Kendall chose that moment to enter through the apartment doors. Curse his years of hockey training and good instincts, for Kendall had reacted in an instant, managing to miraculously sprint across the room and fly-tackle the ice cream, holding it like a football to his chest as he flew off the counter and hit the floor in a roll, all before any of James, Logan, or Carlos could get their spoons on it. People were yelling _Nooooooo!_ in slow-motion, and it took Logan a moment to realize it was himself and Kendall– Logan because he had been the only one to see Kendall approaching, and Kendall for dramatic effect. They were yelling in a strange, scripted sort of harmony, also, that sounded a bit too much like the bridge of "Any Kind of Guy," and Logan abruptly stopped, staring hard at Kendall as James and Carlos flipped over the counter to stand by his sides. Kendall got up, scratches and maybe a little bit of blood covering his limbs and out of breath, but the ice cream perfectly intact.

"Hand it over!" James yelled, barely stopping his voice from cracking. His eyes were wide and just as emotional. He wanted the ice cream _bad_.

"Kendall give it back!" Carlos howled at the same time, wielding his spoon like a sword, his legs spread, knees bent in a fencing stance. He had a eating utensil, and he wasn't afraid to use it.

"Kendall put the ice cream down and nobody gets hurt," Logan growled, and everybody knew it was serious business when Logan's voice got low. The three began to circle Kendall, but Kendall kept his composure.

"Guys, calm down, and think about what you're doing," he began in a low, soothing voice, sliding the tub of ice cream behind his back to hide it from the rest of the band. He could at least get their attentions that way. Logan was the first one to snap out of it, though it was only to crank his glare up to eleven at Kendall.

"No Kendall, what are _you_ doing." He didn't even phrase it as a question, squinting dangerously at his supposed best friend.

"We _demand_ our Quadruple Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream," Carlos said, stomping his feet childishly, so of course, James immediately copies him. "Now!"

"This is for Katie's birthday–"

"We know!" Logan, James, and Carlos said together. "And we don't care!"

"Well _I_ do," Kendall said with a resolute tilt of his eyebrows, placing the ice cream on the counter behind the toaster, putting his hands on his hips for maximum effect. "You guys should be _ashamed_ of yourselves, trying to spoil a little girl's happy birthday...!"

Logan, James, and Carlos exchanged self-consious looks, and Kendall knew he had won, that the guilt card was always the way to go. Carlos's spoon-wielding arm dropped to his side dejectedly, and the three began to slouch towards the couch, which, in turn, made Kendall feel kind of bad, which, in yet another turn, let him to make one of the biggest mistakes of his career– Nay, his_ life_.

"Besides, it doesn't taste _that_ amazing."

James, Carlos, and Logan turned with a horrified gasp. Harmonized, of course.

"He's had some!" Carlos yelped.

"You've had some!" James screeched.

"Et tu, Kendal?" Logan thundered.

Kendall didn't know what to say, and in the moment of shocked silence following his three best friends' outbursts, a receipt fell out of his pocket like a confession of murder, for it was pristine (not a fold in it, unlike James's when he stuffs them into his pocket with change), white (not doodled-on like Carlos's whenever he gets bored waiting for the order), and time-stamped at 3:23 with the charge of two servings of Quadruple Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream (unlike Logan's, who knew better than to keep evidence in his pockets, where they were susceptible to being found or, in Kendall's case, falling out like a smoking gun. No, he kept his receipts under the inside lining of his shoe, and he does_ not _have a height complex like James accused him of, dammit...!). The four boys watched the receipt flutter to the floor, and Kendall was already prepping his face for a punch or a kick or two, wondering out to get out of his predicament without losing a limb or so, until he realized no one has tackled him yet.

And that scared Kendall more than anything else.

"Heheh. Heeey, guys," he laughed nervously, daring to finally open his eyes and face his friends, who stood in a row, where Kendall had left them, face suspiciously impassive. Kendall gulped. "So uh, I know you guys are mad... But uh, we're going to settle this... peacefully?"

Carlos shrugged. "Sure."

"_Sure?_" Kendall was even more frightened now. He had been prepared for consequences when he took Jo out for ice cream (as a passive friend, because he wasn't the type to two-time anybody. Or was it five-time? Maybe it was just Big-Time), and the Quadruple Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream had been two for the price of one, but he hadn't been prepared for– for _no_ consequences. What was going on?

"Yeah," Logan continued with a hint of a smile on his lips. "We can settle this like grown men, can't we, boys?"

James and Carlos nodded, and Kendall felt a chill run down his back.

"Guys, what is going on–"

"There's a perfect solution to all this," James said in the same amicable tone, and Kendall was truly freaking out, because Carlos, even though he couldn't act, had been known to tell a perfect lie or two, and Logan was a pretty good actor when he's feeling vindictive. But James... James couldn't hide his feelings for the world. Even in a life or death situation, Kendall knew that if James was pissed off, _James was pissed off_. It has probably never occurred to James to attempt to hide his feelings. While Kendall usually considered that a surprisingly sweet virtue of James's, tonight, it was the most frightening thing in the world.

"What's the–" Kendall cleared his throat, for his voice had gone higher than it had ever done when he was twelve and going through puberty. "What's the solution?"

"What was that thing we learned in History, Logan?" James suddenly asked, a seeming non sequitor. The smile Logan and Carlos shared with him, though, said that the_ thing they learned in history_ had more to do with Kendall's imminent fate than James's voice indicated. "That thing with the dude on the stone?"

"The Code of Hammurabi?" Logan said, and Carlos nodded triumphantly.

"'An eye for an eye,'" he quoted. "The most ancient and perfect solution."

James nodded his agreement, and smiled his Hollywood billboard smile. "See, it's simple, Kendall. You got some, we hadn't. So when Carlos, Logan and I get some, _you_ don't get any."

"That sounds–" _Too easy_. It should've been a relief, but there was still a weird feeling in Kendall's stomach. The kind of feeling that only came with sharing your entire life with three other boys and you knew, at the lack of a better phrase, shit was going to go down. "–great!"

"So you agree?" Logan asked, ever the official one. Kendall knew without a doubt that if Logan had had time to write up a contract, Kendall would be writing his initials and signature over pages of fine print right now. "You accept our terms?"

"I mean– Sure," Kendall answered, a little bit relieved because it seemed like he was about to get off the hook for this one. God bless whoever taught James, Carlos, and Logan to act mature–

The same evil grins appeared on the three boys' faces. Kendall felt something heavy drop through his chest, stomach, and lower extremities.

"Well then!" Carlos said, turning to Logan and rubbing his hands together. "He agrees, so..."

He pulled Logan in for a heated kiss, and Kendall watched, mouth falling open, as Logan responded in kind, hand sliding up Carlos's side to brace at his neck. James grinned wickedly at Kendall.

"We're gonna _get some_," he announced before hopping in to join the fray, pushing so that Carlos and Logan fell onto the couch, lips still locked together, except now James had bent down, and was mouthing at Logan's neck. Logan broke away from his kiss with Carlos just long enough for him to gasp, "And you can't get any!" before ducking back down.

Kendall was still staring, his jaws beginning to ache from gaping so long. Abruptly, he slammed his mouth shut, grabbed the ice cream, and started for the fridge. The thing was, Kendall hated losing. Yes, eating Quadruple Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream without the boys had been wrong of him, but since they said it was fine, hell if he was going to apologize. He wasn't going to succumb to their evil, evil ploy, either, because he had more control over his libido than that. Everything was fine, everything was fine, everything was–

Not _quite_ fine, because in order to get to the refrigerator, Kendall had to get past the counter, and to get past the counter, he had to pass the writhing, groaning mess that was his team and band mates, and since his knee was still smarting from his fall, he didn't feel like climbing over the counter again. But Kendall Knight wasn't about to be beaten by horny teenage boys. His mom raised him (and Logan and James and Carlos, but Kendall guessed that it didn't matter that much at this moment) better than that. He began to slowly edge along the counter, keeping as far away from James's gyrating backside as possible, but still keeping a weary eye out, because one of the guys might jump him if they catch him off guard...

Except, nothing happened. Kendall passed by them, turned victoriously to the other side of the counter, and nothing happened. James was still sucking a dark hickey into Logan's neck, except that they had shifted positions, so that James now laid on his back on the couch with Logan perched over him and Carlos catching Logan's mouth in a kiss from above James's head. Kendall watched, clutching at the carton of very delicious ice cream in his hands as Logan pulled his neck momentarily away from James to nuzzle at Carlos's ear, and James made a sound like someone had just taken away his last dinosaur chicken nugget. Kendall watched, and felt an unexpected spike of jealousy in his stomach. He was used to being the captain, the lead singer, the center of attention. He wasn't used to being ignored by the rest of the guys.

"Hey um, so I'm just gonna... put the ice cream in the freezer now..." he said with a laugh that sounded more fake than fur from Gustavo's pet cat Monty. No one responded, except James with a groan, when Logan's hand disappeared somewhere between their chests. Kendall gulped, and started to pull at the collar of his jacket. It was getting a bit too hot in the apartment, and Kendall decided it was all Carlos's fault for slamming that hockey puck into the thermostat earlier that month, because Kendall was _not_ getting turned on by the way Carlos's fingers wove their way into Logan's hair, the way Logan's ears flushed when James dragged his head down to nibble at the tips of them, the way James shuddered and clenched his fingers around Carlos's knee whenever Logan shifted over him. Kendall was not–

"Alright fine I'm _sorry!_" he blurted out, slamming the ice cream on the kitchen counter. For a moment, no one responded, and Kendall was kind of hurt, about to pick up the Quadruple Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream and put it in the freezer where it belonged when he heard Carlos whisper:

"He apologized, what do we do?"

"I don't know, ask James! He came up with the plan," Logan whispered back urgently. From where Kendall stood, he could see James's panicked expression as he whispered back:

"I don't know! Making out with you guys was as far as I got!"

Kendall rolled his eyes, thinking _Of course it was,_ and felt a bit smug when James, Logan, and Carlos turned simultaneously to look at him with hateful expressions. Hate at themselves, because they couldn't even accomplish this one little plan without Kendall, could they? Kendall tried hard to hide his smirk. He tried really hard, but ultimately failed, and had to pull his shirt off over his head to keep his friends from seeing his complacent grin. It worked– on Carlos and James, anyway, because they were much more susceptible to being distracted by shiny things than Logan, who was peering at Kendall with accusation clear in his gaze. Kendall chose to ignore it, addressing James more than anyone else, because he knew that it was easier to get James on his side, regarding _this_ anyways. He met James's startled gaze with a smoldering look, and started towards them.

"How about you guys," he murmured seductively, and James swallowed audibly, "let me join in on the fun, and I take you all out for ice cream after?"

James swallowed again, but this time, it was to steel himself against Kendall's prowling charm. He sat up, Logan shifting aside to sit on the back of the couch, Carlos right behind him.

"No deal." James's throat was a bit dry, but he refused to let his eyes roam Kendall's (perfect wonderful) body like they were used to, keeping a steady gaze at Kendall's half-lidded eyes.

"We want our ice cream now," Carlos continued when James failed to force more words out, hand reaching forward a mere inch to close the gap between him and the tan skin of James's back, showing where his shirt had ridden up when he had straightened from laying down. James shuddered, and Kendall mentally cursed when the steel returned to his gaze.

"And you still take us out for ice cream later," Logan added hastily, clutching hard at Carlos's sleeve to keep from jumping at Kendall. Kendall nodded, perhaps a bit too quickly than he would've liked, and took quick steps forward.

"Deal," he said, picking up one of James's jean-clad legs and hoisting it over his shoulders to settle between his knees. James jerked forward, catching Kendall's lips in a hungry, but surly kiss, because he was still mad at Kendall, dammit! Logan wasn't good at holding a grudge against Kendall and Carlos wasn't good at holding a grudge, _period_, so it was up to James to hold up their fort. He hated that he was melting into the touch of Kendall's skin, that his shirt was gone before he noticed, that Kendall was taking gradual control of the kiss...

James made a sound like a whine before leaning back and letting Kendall fall over him kind of perfectly, like he was born to be there, hovering over James, caging James in with his limbs and kissing the ever-loving _crap_ out of him. James sighed, squeezing Carlos's leg above him and Logan's hand beside him in apology before succumbing to Kendall, and thought he felt an answering, understanding tap on his palm from Logan before he twisted his hands into Kendall's hair.

"Just 'cause James is... _James_ doesn't mean we've forgiven you," James heard Carlos mutter to Kendall above his head, and Kendall laughed, pulling away from James.

"I know, I know." Kendall answered like he _did_ know, know that Logan was already trailing his fingertips up and down his bicep, and that Carlos would be just as accepting of his kiss as James had, that James, Logan, and Carlos were going to act mad for the next few days until Kendall finally caved and took them for ice cream and a two-on-two at the local skating rink, and everything was going to be okay. James sighed, mad that he wasn't even mad anymore, and made a point to poke at Kendall's ribs every chance he got during Big Time Rush's little _escapade_ that night. Kendall just gave him a look every time and proceeded to try to suck James's soul out from his mouth (they were all sold on the idea that it would be made completely out of Cuda beauty products that would last for a decade or so on an average human being, that James used up in a week– but that was another story). Logan made a point to keep Carlos and James to himself a bit more than usual that night, pulling away whenever Kendall tried to touch him (or trying to, anyways– Logan was so used to Kendall's hands on him that he barely noticed anymore, and jumped whenever he realized that Kendall was smiling victoriously). Carlos just went with everything everybody did with a kind of joy that could only come with the promise of ice cream. Kendall wanted to kiss him senseless for that. So he did. Multiple times.

Even though it hadn't been the best night they've ever had, they all got something out of it– James learned to always think a plan through until the end, even if it meant skipping over the promise of sex in the middle; Logan learned his secret weakness for Quadruple Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream; Carlos learned that people weren't as trusting as they may appear, and was determined to follow Kendall everywhere next time the band made a promise to try something together so that he could be on the winning side, unlike this time; and Kendall learned that the boys could still come up with some _half_ decent plan without him, and that he could no longer underestimate the power of a pack of ice cream-bereft teenage boys.

An hour or so later, as the members of Big Time Rush laid content in various states of undress on the couch, sticky and pleasantly cool with the empty tub of Quadruple Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream on the carpet next to them, James, Carlos, and Logan looked at Kendall with wide, hopeful eyes. Kendall just sighed.

"Don't worry. I've got a plan to fix Katie's birthday party."

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><p>"This is a tub of ice cream," Katie said. Kendall, Carlos, James, and Logan nodded enthusiastically.<p>

"Just like you asked, baby sister," Kendall said cheerfully. Katie quirked an eyebrow.

"This is a _bathtub_ of ice cream," she corrected. The guys nodded happily again, gesticulating with their hands at said bathtub of ice cream. Katie dipped her finger into it and tasted the ice cream, making a face. "And it's only Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows."

"It's four gallons of Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream," Logan countered.

"Which makes it _quadruple_ Chocolate Chip and Marshmallows ice cream," James finished.

"Lower-case _q,_" Carlos added in a conspiratorial whisper. Kendall sighed and facepalmed.

"Look, Katie, I know this isn't what you wanted, but–"

"Thanks."

Katie thought it was funny, the way the four boys cringed in anticipation before she talked, cringed again as she talked, then once more after she talked. And all in sync, too. That alone was kind of sort of adorable enough that Katie didn't want to tell their mom what was _really_ going on in Big Time Rush. Not that she thought Mama Knight didn't already know, but the guys wouldn't still be sneaking around if Mama Knight hadn't caught them in the act out right. Katie made a note to talk to her mom about it tonight, and pretend to be innocent while Mama Knight squirmed, trying to come up with the best way to explain terms like "free love" and "orgies" to a twelve year old. Please. Like Katie didn't know way more about it than their mom and the boys. Who did these chumps think she was?

"You're not angry?" Logan squeaked. Katie hugged him around the middle.

"Nope. I love it." She gave each Kendall, Carlos, and James a hug, too, secretly pocketing the twenty dollar bill that was sticking out of James's back pocket. She told him, when the creepy doppelganger kid tried to take his place, that he was too trusting; Katie had warned him, so this was no fault of hers. She looked up with her best adoring little sister eyes, just in case. Big Time Rush melted under her charm.

"Thanks guys," she said before running out the apartment door, sticking her hand in her pocket and grabbing two other twenties and a Starbucks gift card– courtesy of Kendall, Carlos, and Logan respectively. If she was lucky, she would be able to get herself a birthday present from each older brother, surrogate or not, before her friends came over.

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><p><strong>AN: I think I'm going to try for a series of fics that takes place within this beautiful little corner of my fantasy universe... This is a lot less plot-ish than "It Just Makes Sense," and I have a feeling that the other fics will turn out like this, also– whimsical and dabbed with softcore porn. Any suggestions, prompts, things you want to see, awesome quotes you think will be awesome... Please feel free to tell me! Also, your favorite shipping episodes, any ship with these four boys. I desperately need more.**


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